Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
