I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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