i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
