if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
