I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
