I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
