I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
