somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
