why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
