My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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