ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
