I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
