Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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