Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
