dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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