wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This is the high leading the old right now
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Randomize
