every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
