your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
