Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She's the barista slut.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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