kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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