I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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