Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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