Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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