you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
