I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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