Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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