did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Damn victory sex feels great
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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