When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have fence marks all over my body
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
