who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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