Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
