I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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