so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
