Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
