I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
