At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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