Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What a dumb baby whore.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
