he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
