Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
