i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
