i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
