would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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