i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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