Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
