i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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