You're my little dorito
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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