id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
