will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
