i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
