No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
