By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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