I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
