got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
